The 8th is… well… I dunno.

Today was my wife’s and I 8th wedding anniversary. I’m madly in love with her and looking forward to all the adventures and misadventures the next several decades together will bring.

Today was a bit of a snafu, though. A busy day for us as normal. We were going to cook up my favorite – Tri-Tip and mashed taters. Those crazy Santa Ana winds meant that I couldn’t BBQ it as usual. So, for the first time with this kind of thing, we put it in the oven. My poor napping toddler was awakened about 35 minutes later to the sound of every single smoke alarm in the house. We quick opened the windows and turned on the whole house fan. The smoke alarms stopped, but only for a bit. So, now we’re getting all smoked out, freezing cold and the tri-tip isn’t smelling so good anymore.

My wife, who normally enjoys the tri-tip, said, “I can’t eat that thing. Let’s go out.” I was looking forward to the tri-tip and optimistic that it would still be good, so I said that I didn’t think we should go out. Well, after the smoke alarm went off two or three more times, I started getting the kids ready to go out to eat. But then my wife changes her mind and tells me that we can stay home and she’ll just eat something else. But, then I’m like, “But, I love you and I want to do what you want and get you something nice to eat. Let’s go out.” And then she says, “I love you, too, but this is your favorite meal and I want you to enjoy it. I’ll just eat something else.”

The tri-tip ended up fine, the windows ended up closed and the heater was turned back on. We got to settle down for American Idol to cap off the day.

Happy anniversary, my love. I love you!

And in the spirit of our dinner time misadventure, and as an ode to long, happy marriages everywhere, I give you this:

Seven o’clock in the evenin’, watchin’ somethin’ stupid on TV
I’m zoned out on the sofa when my wife comes in the room and sees me
And she says, “Is this Behind the Music with Lynyrd Skynyrd?”
And I say, “I don’t know, say it’s gettin’ late, whatchou wanna do for dinner?”
She says, “I kinda had a big lunch so I’m not super hungry.”
I said, “Well you know baby, I’m not starvin’ either but I could eat.”
She says, “So whaddaya have in mind?”
I said, “I don’t know, what about you?”
She says, “I don’t care if you’re hungry, let’s eat.”
I said, “That’s what we’re gonna do,
But first you’ve gotta tell me what it is you’re hungry for.”
And she says, “Let me think, what’s left in our refrigerator?”
I said, “Well there’s tuna, I know.”
She said, “That went bad a week ago.”
I said, “Is the chili okay?”
She said, “You finished that yesterday.”
I hopped up and said “I dunno, do you want to get something delivered?”
She’s like, “Why would I wanna eat liver? I don’t even like liver!”
I’m like, “No, I said ‘delivered’”
She’s like, “I heard you say ‘liver’.”
I’m like, “I should know what I said.”
She’s like, “Whatever, I just don’t want any liver.”
Well I was going to say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be calling me?
I checked my Caller I.D.
It was just cousin Larry callin’ for the third time today.
My wife said “Let it go to voicemail.”
I said “okay.”
Where were we? oh dinner, right
“So whaddaya wanna do?”
She says, “Why don’t you whip up something in the kitchen?”
“Yeah,” I said, “Why don’t you?”
And then she says, “Baby can’t we just go out to dinner, please?”
I says “No.”
She says “Yes.”
I says “No.”
She says “Yes.”
I says “No.”
She says “Yes,
Oh, here’s your keys.”
I step a little bit closer,
Say “Okay, where you wanna go?”
She says, “How about the Ivy?”
Said “Yeah, well I don’t know.
I don’t feel like gettin’ all dressed up and eatin’ expensive food.”
She says “Olive Garden?”
I say, “Nah, I’m not in the mood.
And Burrito King would make me gassy, there’s no doubt.”
She says “Just forget about it.”
I say “No, I swear I’m gonna take you out!”
Then I get an idea
I say, “I know what we’ll do.”
She says “What?”
I say, “Guess.”
She says “What?!”
I say, “We’re goin’ to the drive thru!”

So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
Then I open the car doors
Then we get in those car doors
Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
Then we fasten our seatbelts
As we pull out the drive way
Then we drive to the drive thru

excerpt from “Trapped in the Drive-Thru” by ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic

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